Archive for October, 2010

Six weeks, three days

October 30, 2010

I saw the baby’s heartbeat on ultrasound today. Glory hallelujah!

I am also sick as a fucking DOG. Sick, sick sick. I basically laid flat on the floor until 1:30 p.m. today. I feel bad for Maggie, though — she was so bored! Lord, give me strength to get to the second trimester without losing it!

MAMA

Five weeks, take three

October 20, 2010

This is my third time entering week 5.  I lost our second baby at five weeks, six days, so this week is going to be a bit of a nailbiter for me.  I really want to get past that benchmark with a quickness!  I can’t believe this is the third time I have been pregnant.

I think it’s a girl.  🙂

I had a freakout yesterday about something going wrong, so I bought a box w/ three more pregnancy tests.  Peed on the first stick, and the second line came up sooooo fast!  It’s actually brighter than the control line!  That is immensely reassuring, because the second line never got very dark with baby #2.  But I’m having my second blood draw today to have my HcG checked as well, which is undoubtedly a WEE bit more scientific than my compare-how-dark-the-second-line-is method.

I keep having the mental image of sending sunlight and warmth down to where my little baby is, and my arms encircling her, holding her tight (no escaping, please!).  I really, really hope and pray that this pregnancy “sticks.”

mama

Well, well well.

October 15, 2010

Soooooooo, I haven’t posted in forever.  This is mostly due to a couple of things:

1.  Every time I try to get on the computer, Maggie either (a) hollers “all dee!” (all done) and tries to slam the laptop lid closed on my fingers or (b) tries to wiggle in between the computer and me so she can type too.  Not helpful.  By the time she goes to bed, I’m so brain dead that I can’t even form coherent thoughts, let alone entire paragraphs.  (And you know you’re brain dead when you’re too out of it to BLOG – an activity which requires about two brain cells to rub together.)

2.  I’ve been so fucking sad about the loss of my baby back in May.  It’s been much, much harder for me to deal with than I thought.

But!  Somehow the stars have aligned today and I am typing soooooooooooooooo….. let’s see where we are, shall we?

Maggie turned 17 months old yesterday.  She is an amazing fucking wunderkind.  She can count to three, form entire sentences, and mimic pretty much any word that you ask her to say (my niece and nephews tried everything they could think of a few weeks ago, up to and including Abu Dhabi, and she nailed them all!).  She has a sly sense of humor — for example, she pronounces “salami” as “sammami.”  The other night at dinner, she kept repeating, “sammami.  sammami,” and then grinned and said “sammami and daddy.” Word play, whut!

She has also been known to request “sammami” at 4:30 in the morning.

In other news, I’m pregnant again.  Insert emoticon that expresses OMGAWESOME and SUPERSTITIOUS DOWNPLAYING OF EXCITEMENT and FINGERS CROSSED.

But yeah, I’m due June 22, 2011 — in other words, almost exactly two years after my due date with Maggie (June 4, 2009).   Frankly, I have no idea when conception occurred this time around, because (for once) I put my stupid brain away and said “self, do not pay any attention whatsoever to when you are ovulating or when you had the sexytimes.”  And so I didn’t, and….. I have no clue when this happened.  In fact, I was so freaking dense this month that I had pregnancy symptoms crop up almost RIGHT AWAY and was too dumb to realize what they were.

Me:  “Gee, I keep having these waves of nausea / cravings for meat / I have to pee every freaking half hour! / My boobs hurt so freaking bad / the dog is acting all weird / I’m so tiiiiiiiiiired / I can’t catch my breath — which is so WEIRD because I’m obviously not pregnant!”

Fates/God/Spaghetti Monster:  “HAHAHAHAHA.”

So I’m around 4 and a half weeks (ish.  maybe.) and feeling like poop, which makes me feel good.  😀

Mama OUT!