Gob-fucking-smacked

May 20, 2009

Has it REALLY been only six days since Maggie was born?

1

I don’t even know where to begin.

6

Maybe here – having my daughter is the most delicious, amazing, awesome and wonderful thing I ever could have imagined.

Gram and Maggie
Maggie with her great-grandmother and grandmother

It is also exhausting, nervewracking and tiring beyond all measure.

Matt and I have discovered just how much WORK a new baby is, and WHOA — it is a LOT. Just an example – Maggie and I had issues with breastfeeding from day 1 in the hospital. She appeared to be tongue-tied, which essentially meant that she couldn’t latch effectively onto my breast — she would basically “chew” my nipples instead. Within 24 hours of delivery, I’d developed cracked, blistered, bloody nipples, and was in so much pain from nursing that I was having to use my lamaze breathing techniques just to keep from yanking her off my boob and curling into a ball. After much back and forth with the lactation consultant, pediatrician, a La Leche League leader and a visit from my very supportive, mother-of-three sister, discussions of the benefits and negative effects of clipping her frenulum, three nights of pumping breastmilk every two and a half hours and finger-feeding her the results, we FINALLY got her to latch on and nurse successfully last night. It was glorious. Angels sang! Unicorns frolicked! I nearly wept with relief.

Then came last night, where she kept the following schedule:

10 pm – 1 am – sleep
1 am – 2 am – nurse
2 am – 2:20 am – sleep
2:20 am – EXPLOSIVE POOPS — three diapers wrecked, and a swaddling blanket filled with baby pewp
2:30 am – 3:30 am – nurse
3:30 am – 4 am – sleep
4 am – 5:30 am – NURSE, OMG
5:30 am – 6:30 am – sleep
6:30 am – I wake up because I need to pump — boobs too full of milk
7 am -8 am – sleep
8 am – present – NURSE (yes, I am typing while she is nursing)

Girlfriend has the appetite of a sumo wrestler but the digestive capacity of a bird. šŸ™‚

We have also discovered:

– It’s very funny to use your finger to make the baby’s lips “talk” and make her say all sorts of obscene things
– Babies have an unerring sense of where exactly the poopy diaper is and how to get their feet smack in the middle of it
– two words – windmill arms
– when she opens her eyes and looks at you, it is the most magical, amazing thing ever – even if it is 3 a.m. and she has screamed for the last 30 minutes
– Babies find rap music very soothing.
– Doggies love poopy diapers.
– Doggies are also very distressed when the baby cries, and will attempt to help by licking the baby’s head and/or toes

Anyway, I’d better run – it’s taken me 45 minutes just to write this, and Maggie’s asleep – so I’m going to go seize a few precious minutes to snooze myself.

But first – Maggie, I love you, sweetheart. I’m so glad you’re here.

love,
MAMA!

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4 Responses to “Gob-fucking-smacked”

  1. MK Says:

    So glad to hear all is well, minus the sleep deprivation thing! xoxo!

  2. Phil Says:

    Hurrah!

    Not to worry, your life will be back to normal in about 30 yrs.

  3. Jessica Says:

    So funny! I remember one day when Jack puked and pooped on himself. So, we undressed him, gave him a bath, then he pooped into the bath towel after getting out and after he was all cleaned up, he peed on his face while we put on his diaper and puked down my shoulder when I picked him up. As a newborn, they’re basically just a food processing plant – a damn cute one though.

    Maggie is precious. Looks like she has her mommy’s nose, but it’s a bit early to tell for sure.

    Congrats!

  4. sheburtsy Says:

    I want to see windmill arms…hehehe…oh I have to come over soon. Maybe I’ll attempt a classic Mormon cassarole…shoot, I don’t even know how to spell casserole (thank you spell check).


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