34 Weeks

April 23, 2009

Remember this shirt?

27 weeks


It’s getting a little more of a workout these days.


Quick bullet points below because pregnant ladies do not have the concentration for – you know. Coherent thoughts and such. Attention span … lacking.

1. Everything in the world should be located hip-height or above. Bending over is for suckers.

2. Related to #1 — if I drop something on the floor these days, fuggedaboutit. It is dead to me.

3. My beautiful, svelte ankles and feet are gone, gone gone. Sigh. I remember when I had ankles like this. Now I have the fat, pudgy feet of an elephant, and they hurt like the dickens. They are almost too fat for my danskos. THAT’S fat.

4. Note to self: even if skin on stomach is flaking, do NOT, under any circumstances, use a loofah in a misguided attempt to exfoliate that tender, tender, stretched out area. You will end up feeling like you took a blowtorch to your skin.


6. Biskit seems to have decided that my right side is where it’s at. She hasn’t moved for several weeks now – bum on my right ribs, knees in my middle, head in my pelvis. The kind of nifty thing is that I can tell exactly how much she’s growing because her various bony appendages are in the same locations — only protruding more and more every. single. day. Despite the way it may look in the picture above, I no longer have a nicely rounded tum — I am lopsided and lumpy with baby.

7. A very cool/freaky thing happened yesterday morning. Biskit tends to slide upward overnight, such that when I wake up, her butt is actually on TOP of my ribs. It is WEIRD. But anyway, yesterday morning she was perched so prominently on my ribcage that her entire body jutted out of my side — a veritable mountain ridge of baby – and I could trace the line of her butt and back all the way down the side of my stomach down to where her head disappeared in my pelvis. Holycrapsofuckingcool! (And oh my lands, this child is BIG.)

8. I measured my stomach last night. I am 51″ in diameter. I have grown three entire inches in three weeks, and that is aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall baby. Jaysus.

Ta for now!


5 Responses to “34 Weeks”

  1. Matt Says:

    What I want to know is . . . who took the picture?!

  2. My coworker. I couldn’t find the card for my camera this morning for the life of me!

  3. Matt Says:


    You know, just to keep that spark alive with jealousy.

  4. Phil Says:


    Living in there like a fish – just swimming around breathing that liquid junk – then BOOM! comes out, and oxygen / dry land is no problem. I’m ambi-phibious b*tches!

  5. It *is* pretty amazing, Phil!!

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