A day of rest

February 23, 2009

The nesting urge that has so driven me the last few weeks has, finally, driven me to bed. I have completely tapped myself out. This morning, I awoke with deep pain in my pelvis and my legs, and an undeniable cramping sensation. I tried to psych myself into giong to work (after all, I have missed two days of work out of the last 10), but — no. Something stopped me, and I wrote to my office to say I wouldn’t be in, yet again. I called my doctor to let him know about the cramping, and he said to rest up, drink lots of fluids, and just monitor the cramping to see if any pattern has emerged. So far, none has, but I am now marooned in my bed, working on nothing other than growing Biskit.

I didn’t expect such a conflict between the adrenaline and exhaustion of pregnancy. They have often seemed to exist simultaneously these last few weeks. The adrenaline is overpowering — it’s as if I am five minutes away from competing in a race or a show, and my heart pounds with wanting to make sure I have every possible angle covered, wanting to win. Except the race is not five minutes away, but three MONTHS, and so I have no aim for my surging energy. And so – I clean. And stockpile. And clip coupons. And buy diapers. And vacuum Biskit’s room. And clean and disinfect and organize and go, go GO, because all of this adrenaline has to be focused on SOMETHING or else I’ll go mad.

And then I realize I am also practically swooning with fatigue, unable to keep my eyes open for another second, my knees buckling beneath me, my mouth forming words that aren’t at all what I mean to say – and even then, the adrenaline and the hormones are screaming in my ear, “GO! You have no time to waste! No time to rest!” And I push and push beyond the exhaustion, beyond the fatigue.

And end up in bed, eating cookies, downing enough fluids to float the QE2, thinking of nothing but my little daughter, who is flipping around joyfully in her warm aquatic home.

mama!

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2 Responses to “A day of rest”

  1. Matt Says:

    You’re going to explode, and then who’ll take care of biscuit? THEN WHO?

  2. Lucy Says:

    I am 25 weeks and feel exactly the same way. One day I’m nesting and so productive, the next day it takes all I have to walk from the bed to the couch.

    I know our little ones will be so worth it, but won’t it be nice to spend a day out shopping and not need a week to recover???


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