January 26, 2009

I keep zig zagging between feeling all peaceful and zenlike with my pregnancy weight gain and panicky because OMG — stretch marks EV.ERY.WHERE. And I mean EVERYWHERE. I’m 21 weeks, people! I should not have zebra stripes all over my lower tum already (aaaaaand down below my bikini line. Lovely).

I keep getting wonderful compliments from people about my lovely pregnancy glow and very fecund-looking tum, which helps, but then I have to climb out of bed and end up scrabbling around like a drunken crab stuck on its back because my freaking stomach is in the way of everything. Or I notice that I now have Fat Lady wrists. Or I have to stop wearing my wedding band because my damn finger is just too pudgy for it now, and I think “I will never, ever have my pre-pregnancy body back.”

(Also, did I mention the stretch marks BELOW my bikini line?? Have you even ever heard of such a thing?)

I feel guilty for bitching when I’m doing such an amazing thing – growing a beautiful baby girl. I wouldn’t be NOT pregnant for anything, but — still. It would have been nice to have escaped the Curse of the Stretchmark.



9 Responses to “Bah”

  1. asianpixie Says:

    I don’t know anyone who managed to escape the stretch mark 😦

  2. Matt Says:

    *shrugs* And eventually I’ll go bald. Why worry?? 🙂

  3. Phil Says:

    Just think of it as something to hang over your daughter’s head for the rest of her life.

    (+ you gotta lotion the hell out of yourself – it puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the stretch marks again!)

  4. MKD Says:

    Oh no. I’m sorry to hear about the stretch marks… I haven’t had that problem so far for the most part. Mostly I’m still just puking.

  5. AP: I do. They also seem to be the ones who avoid morning sickness. I hate them all. 😉

    Matt: No, you won’t. But you’ll go completely gray eventually!

    Phil: “It puts the lotion on the skin”? Wha?

    (But I’ve been lotioning/oiling myself like crazy since about week 8 – TRUST.)

    MKD: I’ll take stretch marks over your 19 weeks of puking, fo sho. You poor thing. I can’t believe you’re still barfing.

  6. Phil: We hang out too much. “Puts the lotion on the skin” =Buffalo Bill = Silence of the Lambs.

  7. MKD Says:

    Now put it in the basket!

  8. Errr.


    Horror movies and I do not go well together, obviously.

  9. Phil Says:

    Thank you Cube.

    I often find it is best to dole out advice to expectant mothers by quoting horror movies.

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