Things nobody told me about pregnancy

January 6, 2009

I’m taking a page from MKD’s book here.

I felt pretty prepared for pregnancy, thanks to reading a frillion different books on what to expect. Nobody told me about THIS, though:

1. Your headlights might end up permanently in the “high beam” position. This was REALLY weird for me, since prior to pregnancy, my nips pretty much stayed hidden unless they were explicitly invited out to play. I’m discovering anew the wonders of the voluminous scarf and padded bra, but even so, I look down every so often and immediately cross my arms over my chest.

2. You might end up with burst blood vessels in the weirdest places. WTF, sides of my boobs??

3.  That whole second trimester horniness thing?  Yeah, it might not happen for you.  Aren’t you lucky.

4.  You might end up getting stretch marks on your legs (from your hip sockets ALL THE WAY TO YOUR KNEES) long before you get any on your blossoming stomach.

Other mamas out there — any things you didn’t expect with pregnancy?

Lucy

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14 Responses to “Things nobody told me about pregnancy”

  1. Lily Says:

    Water retention. Yeah, you expect swollen ankles and all, but my NOSE got fat about two weeks before my due date. So fat that when someone was talking to me about the last week of my pregnancy they said, “And that’s when your nose was out to HERE” (holding hands about four inches apart). Great.

    (And that headlight thing? Lasts until you’re done nursing, pretty much. Resign yourself to porn star boobs and work it!)

  2. Jessica Says:

    Unfortunately, I’m the wrong person to ask. I experienced nothing abnormal except heartburn in the evenings. My pregnancy is an oddity.


  3. Lily, I’m scared of the nose thing. My schnozz is already wide enough as it is!! I think I’m more scared of that than childbirth. 😀

    Jessica: I hate you.

  4. asianpixie Says:

    So sorry about number 3.


  5. AP, I think Matt’s probably kind of relieved by it, actually!

  6. Jessica Says:

    Doesn’t give me very many fun stories to talk about though. Your stories are far more entertaining… 🙂


  7. And hey, it’s all about the laughs! 😀

  8. CameliaSinensis Says:

    I thought it was 3rd trimester horniness.

  9. Lucy Says:

    Oh great — just in time for the REAL whale-dom. 😀

    PS — I just discovered four stretchmarks on my stomach. ACK.

  10. CameliaSinensis Says:

    Get Burt’s Bees Mama Bee Belly Butter. You are going to hate me, but I didn’t get any stretch marks at all, anywhere. I don’t know if it was the Burt’s Bees Belly Butter, luck, genes or all of the above. But it’s worth a try. I love that stuff so much I used it all over my body, including my face, and still buy it now.

  11. MKD Says:

    Yay sex! Booooo boob issues. And vaginal “discharge.”

    I agree with Camelia that the Burts Bees is awesome. It also works for chapped asian hands (as per AP).

  12. Toya Says:

    Yeah, for me, the horniness didn’t show up until toward the end. That made for really … interesting … positions. It was fun, though!

  13. CameliaSinensis Says:

    And the best thing about sex while you’re pregnant is that you can’t get pregnant!


  14. Camelia, I could never hate you. 🙂 I think the stretch marks are kind of inevitable (genes play a big part of whether you get them or not), but a nice soothing belly balm sounds good anyway. My skin’s starting to get itchy, thanks to the stretching.

    MKD: By “boob issues,” you mean “boobs expanding to a G cup,” right? Because I have NOTHING on you.

    Toya: Lord…. I can just imagine. Hee!

    Camelia: 😀


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