Ooh baby, it BURNS

October 3, 2008

I have discovered the reason behind my recent gasping for breath and uncomfortable pressure/pain in my stomach – THE BEBE. Seriously. I had no idea that shortness of breath and dyspepsia were both pregnancy symptoms (both arising out of the high tide of progesterone currently sweeping through my body), but Dr. Google has informed me that it is so. Apparently progesterone relaxes everything in your body, including those lovely muscles that keep things like, oh, your diaphragm and esophagus nice and tight, leaving you short of breath and with a chest full of acid. No word yet on whether progesterone also affects…. um, other areas.

I have also discovered that progesterone makes your body cling onto anything and everything that passes through your system.   (“You never know, man, you might neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed that 10 pounds of water weight someday!”)  This means that I am currently the owner of a lovely Bloat Baby, which is giving me the appearance of someone at least 20 weeks pregnant.



2 Responses to “Ooh baby, it BURNS”

  1. asianpixie Says:

    I seem to have developed a permanent Bloat Baby from the hormone injections. Not cool.

  2. I’m sorry to hear that, AP.

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