23 Weeks

My humps. My humps. My lovely belly humps.

My boobs are bigger than they have ever been in my life, yet they look puny next to my massive tum.

I told Matt the other day that I was planning on performing in March at a couple of low-key events for other dancers (not the general public) and he practically spit out his coffee. “PERFORMING? WHAT?! You’re gonna look like you’re shimmying a basketball!”

Can’t argue with that one, but it’ll be fun to dance with my little Biskit.

I could be imagining things, but I swear she’s already dancing along when I play my Arabic pop in the car in the mornings. Matt gnashes his teeth at my musical choices, but MWAHA — for now, her little ears are all mine!! Matt can introduce her to Modest Mouse after she’s born.

I’ve been thinking a lot about birth lately, and how I’d like for things to go (in an ideal world, obviously). One of the books I’m reading is by Ina May Gaskin, a famous midwife in Tennesee. Her theory is that birth is largely a function of the “sphincter rule.” The cervix is a sphincter, just like your bum, and stress/nerves can impact how relaxed your cervical sphincter will be. It makes perfect sense to me — after all, “poop shame” at work is a well known phenomenon! I’ve known people who will hold it for DAYS rather than poop someplace other than their home turf, where they feel safe.

Anyway, I started thinking about what would impact my own ability to relax into birth, and as silly as it sounds, my first thought was “I’d want Mike Jones with me.” Laugh if you want, but when my Dad was so sick last year, Mikey’s presence was so comforting – to me and to my entire family. Him being there really took the edge off the enormous stress we were all feeling. I know that there have been a number of studies documenting the soothing influence that dogs have on people, including the elderly, the sick and those going through painful rehabilitation from injuries, and I totally understand why.

So, I think that I may try to labor at home for as long as possible, with my sweet doggie by my side. Once things get serious, I will definitely hie my ass to the hospital, but I think having Mikey present during the early stages will be a big help to me.

Now if only I could come up with a way to sneak him into the hospital. Anybody have a good disguise for a 65 pound dog they could lend me? I’m thinking a porkpie hat and a trenchcoat could do the trick.

MAMA!